Are a fucking waste of time. If people put all of that energy into something self-productive we would be advance as a race, fucking seriously. But we humans only care about the exterior of everything. I.e. fashion, modeling, actors, racism, public entertainment, sex, even facebook; we all just want to look pretty. We want ourselves to be pretty, our kids, our homes, our clothes, our cars, our cellphones, our hair, our pets, our cities, our everything. But no one cares if they're liars, if they're fake, mean, ignorant, racist, sexist, all the ists, thieves, heartless, cruel, manupulative, murderous, sickening; we care so fucking much about our exterior just so we can disguise and cover up our extreme, true, uglieness..just be fucking real. Be fuckin real!
Right now, where I'm at, this is Limbo. If anyone wants to experience or get a good, real life definition of limbo, come hang out with me for a day..seriously.
BUT, I'm making the best of it and dazzled up limbo a bit, made it more tolerable..
When will I get to the top of the mountain...
Only care for so long
I can be there, but not till the end
I have this wall around me that will never cave in
My heart is a hole, something so cold, so wrong
I walk around this city, observing your faces
But you’ll always be on the outside
I feel for a second, and then its gone, tucked back with my memories with the other brief sensations
I can be a good person, but only for a minute
These thoughts that dwell take flame in an instant.
I love myself, hate myself, care for myself, forget myself.
I focus on you because I can’t stand myself,
Living in this state of my own restrictions.
I want to be free, in the sky with the birds
But the laws of these lands hold me, locking me in my cell.
Im here on this earth, but im walking in hell
These feelings come and pass, with each day and whim
Im being spread on toast, a bit too thin.
I rhyme, I write, I hold no consistancy. I can be all that I can, but only if you allow me.
I scream in my head 'LET ME BE LET ME BE
Let me bloom, let me fly I know I can do better and become something great
And maybe, just maybe, I can learn not to hate
Everyone else walks around with this false sense of purpose and meaninhg, living out a lie
But I can care for you forever, the world I can just…. Let die
My stress lecel keeps rising, I find my mind and body exhausted, when it fucking shouldn't be..I need to get my stress in order, which I thought running every day would do. I need to...quit smoking ganj, but it makes for a fun and funny night with my love... Le sigh...I need to quit feeling like im competing with other artist and stop operating like the world is going to end tomorrow. Fuck. Stop talking. Stop stressing. Fuck you anxiety...
I need to start yoga..for reals. One of the massage therapists here at the hospital worked on my shoulders and neck and it fucking hurt!! She said I have 'atrocious knots' and that I can't drop my shoulders all the way because of those knots....great